Make it Make Sense

Cost over benefit.

Should All Parties Have Some Form of Positive Benefit in a Relationship?

In the realm of human connection—romantic, platonic, familial, or professional—the word relationship implies mutual interaction. But should it also imply mutual benefit? At a glance, the answer seems obvious—of course, everyone should benefit. But the deeper question is how, why, and what kind of benefit we mean. Should all parties in a relationship gain something positive? And if so, what happens when one party isn’t?

What Is a "Positive Benefit"?

A positive benefit doesn’t always mean something tangible like money, status, or favors. It could be:

+Emotional support (validation, affection, empathy)

+Growth (learning from the other, becoming more self-aware)

+Stability (reliability, security, routine)

+Inspiration or motivation

+Shared purpose or belonging

Positive benefit is, at its core, about feeling enriched rather than depleted by the presence of the other person. Notice that money was not discussed.

The Emotional Economy of Relationships

Relationships operate on an unspoken emotional economy. When that economy becomes unbalanced—when one gives and the other only takes—resentment, fatigue, and disconnection are inevitable. The healthiest relationships involve a cycle of reciprocal benefit, not necessarily in equal measure, but in fair and affirming ways.

Ask yourself:

• Do I feel energized or drained after engaging with this person?

• Am I valued for who I am or only for what I offer?

• Is there growth or only stagnation?

  
  

These aren’t selfish questions—they’re essential ones. They ensure that love, friendship, and community don’t become spaces of quiet exploitation.

Cultural Expectations and Uneven Benefit

Some cultures or traditions emphasize sacrifice, especially in roles like parenthood, marriage, or caregiving. In these cases, it’s easy for one person to be expected to give without receiving. While sacrifice is sometimes noble, chronic self-erasure isn’t.

In romantic relationships, especially in patriarchal or economically stratified systems, one partner (often women, but not always) may be expected to bring emotional labor, domestic management, and loyalty to the table, while the other brings financial resources or social protection. But if either party feels unseen, unheard, or unfulfilled, the relationship becomes transactional at best—and toxic at worst.

Why All Parties Deserve a Positive Benefit

-Because dignity matters. No person should feel reduced to a function or role.

-Because relationships shape identity. If someone constantly feels unworthy or overlooked, that dynamic becomes internalized.

-Because mutual benefit fosters longevity. Relationships where everyone benefits (even in small ways) are more sustainable, resilient, and adaptive.

This doesn’t mean every moment will be 50/50. Relationships ebb and flow. There will be seasons where one person gives more—but those seasons should not turn into permanent climates.

Practical Ways to Ensure Mutual Benefit

Communication Audits

Check in regularly: “How are you feeling in this relationship?” or “Do you feel like you’re getting what you need?”

Define What Value Looks Like

For some, it’s time. For others, it’s affection, spiritual connection, shared dreams, or feeling safe. Make it specific.

Honor Invisible Labor

Don’t overlook emotional work, caregiving, or consistency. Acknowledge it. Celebrate it.

Reciprocate Thoughtfully

Even if you can’t match someone’s effort exactly, respond in a way that makes them feel valued and seen.

Exit What No Longer Nourishes

Sometimes the best form of respect, for yourself and the other, is knowing when a relationship has run its course.

A Word on Selfless Love

There’s a beauty in giving with no expectation of return. Parents often do it. Lovers sometimes do it. Community leaders definitely do it. But selflessness, when expected or coerced, becomes martyrdom. And martyrdom, when unacknowledged, breeds quiet bitterness.

The healthiest selfless love still finds replenishment. Even if the benefit is simply knowing your love made a difference, it’s still a benefit.

Relationships as Mutual Ecosystems

Think of a relationship as an ecosystem. If one species thrives while another dies off, the ecosystem collapses. Healthy relationships are like symbiosis—each party nourishes the other in a dance of mutual flourishing. That benefit can be emotional, spiritual, practical, or existential—but it must be there.

So, yes, all parties should have some form of positive benefit in a relationship. Not because relationships are business deals, but because love—real love—is never one-sided. It is a garden we both water and harvest from.