Believe Them the First Time

There’s a famous quote by Maya Angelou that says, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

Let People Be Who They Are

 It's a simple truth, but one so many of us ignore—especially in relationships. Whether it's a romantic partnership, friendship, or family dynamic, we often get caught in the trap of potential: who we think someone could be, rather than who they are. But there's freedom in acceptance—and wisdom in letting go when things don’t align.

The Myth of Change

People do grow. People mature. Life experience, self-reflection, and hard-earned lessons can change behaviors and even shift mindsets. But there’s a core part of a person—their temperament, worldview, emotional bandwidth, values—that rarely changes. Most psychologists agree that our basic personality is largely formed by the age of five. That doesn’t mean someone is doomed to remain immature or toxic forever, but it does mean that their way of being in the world is deeply rooted.

Too often, we confuse growth with transformation. We meet someone who’s emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, abrasive, or dishonest—and instead of taking them at face value, we project. We believe that with enough love, time, or pressure, they’ll become what we need. We start making renovations on a home that doesn’t belong to us. That’s not love. That’s control wrapped in hope.

Acceptance Isn’t Settling

This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have standards. It means that love starts with acceptance, not aspiration. When you accept someone for who they are, you’re acknowledging their full humanity—flaws, quirks, edges and all. And if you realize that who they are doesn’t align with who you are or what you need? Then you owe it to both of you to walk away without resentment.

Trying to change someone into a version that fits your needs is not only disrespectful—it’s exhausting. And in the end, it never works. At best, it creates resentment. At worst, it becomes manipulation. You deserve a partner who meets you with genuine compatibility, not just raw potential.

Letting Go Is Not Losing

If someone tells you they don’t want a relationship, believe them. If someone shows you they’re selfish, inconsiderate, inconsistent—believe them. Don’t rationalize their behavior as temporary or circumstantial if the pattern keeps repeating. Your peace of mind is too expensive to be gambled on someone else’s unwillingness to grow in a direction they never chose.

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is walk away without bitterness. Let go of the fantasy. Honor the reality. And trust that your people—the ones who see you, match you, and choose you—are out there.

Get Off the Porch

Waiting for the “right one” while staying attached to the wrong one is self-sabotage. You can’t welcome in what’s meant for you if you’re still clinging to what was never yours to begin with. The world is wide. Love is abundant. But you have to leave the porch. You have to risk discomfort. You have to move.

Yes, it can be lonely. But that space you’re creating by walking away from misalignment is sacred. It’s the room needed for the right person to step in.

And when they do? You won’t have to fix them. You’ll just need to recognize them.