Were You an Option — or Did You Make Yourself One?

The hard truth about mindset, unrealistic expectations, and the role you play in your own devaluation.

We live in a time where everyone wants to feel like the choice—the priority, the crown jewel, the irreplaceable one. But far too many people end up discovering that they were never the main character in someone else’s story—just a convenient supporting role.

And while sometimes that’s because the other person never valued you, other times… It’s because you handed them the script that put you in that role.

This isn’t about victim-blaming—this is about ownership. About the difference between being treated like an option versus acting like one.

The Mindset That Puts You in the Passenger Seat

Before we point fingers at others for overlooking us, we have to check the quiet agreements we’ve made with ourselves.

Over-Accommodation: Always being available, rearranging your life for someone who never moves their schedule for you, and constantly saying “yes” when your spirit is screaming “no.”

Scarcity Mentality: Operating from the belief that love, good partners, or opportunities are rare, so you cling, compromise, or accept crumbs just to keep something rather than risk having nothing.

Over-Validation Seeking: Making their approval your fuel. You build your worth based on how they respond instead of how you see yourself.

If you live in these mindsets, you’re silently telling the other person, “You can prioritize yourself—I’ll work around it.” That is the language of option status.

The Trap of Unrealistic Expectations

Here’s where it gets ironic—sometimes the very people who make themselves an option also carry sky-high, fantasy-driven expectations for the other person.

This mismatch creates a dangerous imbalance:

Expecting loyalty without exclusivity. You want them committed, but you haven’t even clarified boundaries.

Expecting a deep connection without vulnerability. You want closeness but never truly open up.

Expecting provision without reciprocity. You want them to give endlessly but little in return except your presence.

Expecting perfection without growth. You demand they never disappoint you—while avoiding your own areas of improvement.

These unrealistic expectations don’t make you more valuable —they make you more replaceable. Because they push the other person away without ever requiring them to invest fully in you.

The Silent Permission You Give

A hard truth: People treat you according to the standard you consistently enforce — not the one you mention once in passing.

If you accept late calls only when they’re boring, you’ve given permission. If you allow disrespect because “it’s not that deep,” you’ve given permission. If you keep entertaining someone who only chooses you when their first choice is busy… well, you’ve signed off on your own demotion.

It’s not enough to want better. You have to require better —and be willing to lose the connection if it doesn’t align.

Moving From “Option” to “Priority”

Shifting your status in someone else’s life starts with shifting your status in your own.

Clarify Your Standards: If you don’t know what you stand for, you’ll accept whatever is handed to you.

Match Energy, Don’t Chase It: Stop investing more than what’s being returned.

Detach From Outcome: The less you fear losing them, the more you position yourself as a choice, not a convenience.

Audit Your Self-Worth: Confidence isn’t loud —it's the quiet assurance that you can walk away from what doesn’t serve you.

The Final Reality Check

Not everyone is malicious. Sometimes, they didn’t prioritize you because you didn’t prioritize yourself. Other times, they never intended to — and your mindset made it easy for them not to.

Either way, you have more control than you think.

Stop waiting to be chosen. Start living like you’ve already chosen yourself. Because when you know your value and act like it, you stop being an option — and you naturally become the prize if you are a man and naturally the gift if you are a woman.