Love, Need, and Money

Where is the love?

Black Americans, Dating, and Relationships in 2025

Love and relationships are never just personal—they’re cultural, historical, and economic. For Black Americans, this truth is magnified. The dating and relationship landscape in 2025 is marked by layers of expectation, hope, and complexity. At its core is a universal longing: the desire for a love so blissful, so unconditional, that it feels almost undeserved. A love without judgment, where both people—or all people, in the case of poly relationships—can breathe freely, be their full selves, and build a life together.

But alongside love comes practical realities. Should you “need” your partner, or simply “want” them? Who is supposed to make the most money in the home—and does gender (or orientation) decide that? How should couples navigate finances in a world where pay gaps, cultural expectations, and systemic inequities are still very real?

The Current Landscape: Where Black Love Stands

Marriage rates: Black Americans are less likely to be married compared to other racial groups in the U.S., though many express a strong interest in long-term commitment. Delayed marriage, economic barriers, and shifting social norms all play a role.

Income realities: Median household income for Black-headed households remains lower than the national median, reflecting ongoing racial wealth divides. For example, in 2023, the median was in the mid-$50,000 range. That matters because economic stability has a significant influence on relationship decisions.

Pay gaps: The gender pay gap persists. In 2024, women earned about 85% of what men earned on average, and Black women often face even larger disparities. This shapes household financial roles and expectations.

What this means: Black couples often navigate love and money in the context of systemic pressures—and the stakes can feel even higher because the community carries the responsibility of preserving wealth, culture, and family resilience against historical odds.

Should You Need the Other Person?

This is one of the most fundamental questions in relationships. Do you need your partner, or should you only want them?

The truth is: humans are wired for connection. But there’s a difference between unhealthy dependency and healthy interdependence.

Dependency (need): When you rely on your partner for your entire sense of identity, emotional stability, or survival. This can create fear, control, or resentment.

Interdependence (want + support): When you are whole on your own but choose to rely on each other for support, joy, and shared growth. You don’t need them to exist, but you want them because your lives are richer together.

The Deeper Desire: Unconditional Love

Still, beneath all the theory lies something deeper. Most people—whether they admit it or not—crave a love so profound it feels almost undeserved. A love that says:

“I see you, flaws and all.”

“I won’t judge you for what you can’t do.”

“You don’t have to earn my affection through perfection.”

For Black Americans, this desire can be especially powerful. In a society where stereotypes and constant critique weigh heavily, the dream is to find a partner who offers complete acceptance—a sacred space where love doesn’t require performance.

This isn’t about tolerating harm or ignoring accountability. It’s about building relationships where judgment has no place, and love is unconditional. That’s what most people secretly yearn for: blissful love that feels too good to be real.

Who Should Make the Most Money in a Home in 2025?

Now let’s bring it to the practical side. Finances shape relationships every single day. Bills, housing, children, and future planning all rely on money. So the question naturally arises: who’s supposed to be the main earner?

The old answer was simple: “the man.” But in 2025, the reality is much more complex.

Guiding Principles for Every Household

Ability & preference over gender: The person with the skill set, career path, or passion for higher earnings should pursue it—regardless of gender or identity.

Transparency & fairness: Income differences should be talked about openly, without shame or hidden resentment.

Respect without judgment: Whoever earns less should not feel “less than.” This is where unconditional love matters most—your paycheck does not define your worth in the home.

Flexibility: Roles may shift over time. One partner may earn more early in life, while another earns more later. A healthy relationship can adapt.

Heterosexual Couples (Man & Woman)

Old expectation: The man “should” earn more.

Reality in 2025: Women often earn as much or more than their male partners, depending on the field. When that happens, the healthiest relationships are those where the man’s ego doesn’t interfere and the woman isn’t judged for success.

Unconditional love lens: A man’s value is not tied to his salary. A woman’s worth is not tied to how much less she earns. Love must go deeper than economics.

Gay Male Couples (Man & Man)

Question: Which man should earn more?

Answer: Neither by default. Earnings should reflect ability, choice, and circumstance—not gender roles. Many gay male couples split expenses proportionally to income, keeping things fair.

Unconditional love lens: Each partner deserves equal respect, regardless of who earns more money. Salary cannot be allowed to create silent hierarchies.

Lesbian Couples (Woman & Woman)

Challenge: Women already face systemic pay gaps, and women of color face even steeper ones. This means two-woman households may face more income pressures.

Solution: Open communication and creative planning—especially around caregiving, children, and long-term savings.

Unconditional love lens: Income differences don’t determine who leads or who sacrifices. True love honors both partners equally.

Throuples and Poly Relationships

Dynamic: With three or more partners, finances get complicated. Who pays what? How are assets divided?

Possible models: Equal split, proportional contribution (each pays based on income percentage), or role-based (whoever uses certain resources more pays more).

Unconditional love lens: Money must never become a tool of control or favoritism. Everyone should feel equally valued in the relationship, no matter their earning power.

Practical Tools for Every Relationship

Proportional Contribution: Each person pays a percentage of income toward shared expenses. Fair without judgment.

Joint + Individual Accounts: Shared money for the household, but personal accounts for independence.

Financial Check-Ins: Monthly or quarterly talks about goals, debt, or changes. Keep money conversations rooted in respect.

Legal Protections: Especially important for unmarried couples, same-sex couples, and throuples. Cohabitation agreements, wills, and powers of attorney protect everyone.

Special Considerations for Black American Couples

Systemic realities: Wage gaps, wealth disparities, and discrimination make financial planning even more critical. Love cannot erase these realities, but it can help partners face them together.

Family expectations: Many Black couples also feel a sense of responsibility to support their extended family. This makes financial transparency and boundary-setting vital.

Healing power of unconditional love: Perhaps most important of all, Black love has always been a refuge from judgment in a society that often denies it. The greatest gift partners can give each other is that safe, unconditional embrace.

At the end of the day, money will always matter in relationships—but it should never define love. The most enduring relationships, especially within the Black American experience, are built on interdependence, fairness, and mutual respect.

Most people crave that one thing: a love so steady, so unconditional, that it feels almost undeserved. A love where judgment has no place.

In 2025, the real question is not “who should make the most money?” but “how do we make our money serve our love, instead of our love serving money?”

Because whether you’re a man and woman, two men, two women, or a throuple—the foundation of a lasting relationship isn’t income, it’s unconditional love.