Love & Loans

All about the Benjamin?

💸 Who's Responsible for Debt in Dating and Marriage?

In today's world, where the cost of living is up and wages have flatlined for most, the topic of debt, especially student debt, has moved from the banker’s office to the bedroom. Whether you're dating, living together, or talking marriage, financial baggage is now emotional baggage too. So the question arises:

Who is responsible for past debt in a relationship, and should you even be dating or getting married if your finances are a mess?

📚 A New Norm: Everyone Has Debt

First, some context: debt is the norm, not the exception. In the U.S.:

• Over 43 million people have student loan debt.

• The average borrower owes around $37,000–$40,000.

• Credit card and auto loan debt are also sky-high.

• Millennials and Gen Z are carrying this into their relationships, and Gen Alpha is watching.

Debt is no longer just a financial matter. It’s a dating filter, a marriage risk, and sometimes, a dealbreaker.

💑 Dating While Indebted: How Much Is Too Much?

Here’s the truth: dating with debt isn’t wrong, but how you carry it, manage it, and communicate about it matters more than the balance itself.

What Dating with Debt Can Mean:

• You may limit the kinds of dates you can afford.

• You might delay bigger steps like moving in or starting a family.

• You might project financial stress into emotional conflict.

• You may feel shame or inadequacy, especially if your partner is more financially stable.

  
  

But debt doesn’t mean you’re unworthy of love—it means you’ve got a financial reality to navigate with self-awareness and clarity.

Red Flags:

• Hiding debt from your partner.

• Being financially reckless or dishonest.

• Making your partner feel responsible for your past financial choices.

  
  

If you’re still accumulating consumer debt with no plan—or ignoring debt entirely—it may be wise to pause serious dating and work on financial accountability first.

💍 Marriage and Debt: “What’s Yours Is Mine”?

Now the stakes are higher. In marriage, your partner’s debt can affect your shared goals, even if it doesn't legally become your responsibility.

Legally:

• Premarital debt remains the responsibility of the person who incurred it.  If you bring in $80K in student loans, it’s still yours.

• Joint debt, such as credit cards or loans you take out together, is both partners' responsibility.

• In community property states (like California or Texas), debt acquired during marriage can be seen as shared.

  
  

Emotionally & Practically:

• One partner’s debt can lower your joint credit score, making it harder to qualify for a home or car.

• It may delay plans like starting a business, buying a house, or having children.

• You may feel resentment or imbalance if one person is paying off the other’s past decisions.

  
  

So even if the law says “you’re safe,” your financial future is still entangled.

💬 The Debt Talk: When & How to Have It

You shouldn’t be talking about credit scores on the first date, but by the time the relationship gets serious, honesty is crucial.

Good Signs:

• Your partner knows their debt number and has a plan to pay it down.

• They are open and transparent.

• They are actively budgeting and living within their means.

• They want to tackle financial goals together.

  
  

Watch Out For:

• Denial or avoidance.

• “I don’t know” when asked about their debt.

• Blaming others with no accountability.

• Expecting you to “rescue” them financially.

  
  

The goal isn’t to judge someone’s past—it’s to understand if you can build a future together.

💔 Should You Marry Someone with a Lot of Debt?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but here’s a lens to look through:

• Debt isn’t the enemy. Financial irresponsibility is.

• If your partner is actively managing their debt and has a long-term vision, that’s a green flag.

• If they expect you to bail them out or make financial sacrifices alone, that’s a red flag.

  
  

Remember: Marriage is a merger of lifestyles, values, and vision. If your long-term goals don’t align financially, love alone won’t bridge the gap.

🧠 Should YOU Avoid Dating Until You're Debt-Free?

Not necessarily. But if your debt is causing stress, shame, avoidance, or constant setbacks, here are questions to reflect on:

• Am I emotionally available while constantly stressed about money?

• Can I date without putting myself further into debt?

• Do I expect a partner to “save” me?

• Am I actively addressing my financial habits?

  
  

If the answers raise concern, you don’t have to avoid love—just focus on self-love and self-stability first.

❤️Love With Open Eyes

Debt is a fact of modern life, but how we handle it reveals character.

• Date with transparency.

• Marry with clarity and shared vision.

• Love with accountability and compassion.

  
  

Your past doesn't disqualify you from partnership, but your mindset will determine if your future can thrive.

✍🏽 Let's Talk:

Would you date or marry someone with major debt? Are you that someone? How has money affected your relationships? Drop your thoughts in the comments or share this post with someone navigating love and loans.