A Letter to Our Younger Selves

If Sex Is Removed, What's Left?

Dear Younger Self,

You’re probably reading this with your heart wide open, maybe still craving affection, intimacy, or connection. Maybe you think love and sex are intertwined like skin and bone—that without one, the other doesn’t make sense. You think that passion is proof and that physical desire is the foundation. But I need you to slow down and listen to something older you have learned—sometimes through pain, sometimes through clarity.

Let’s ask the question that not many people are bold enough to sit with:

If sex was completely removed from your relationship… would anything still stand?

Would your partner or partners still smile the same? Would your laughs still echo through the house? Would you still know how to speak each other’s love language without touching skin? Would you still feel safe, seen, supported, and understood?

Sex is easy to chase and even easier to confuse with love. But sex is not the foundation of a healthy relationship—it’s an extension of connection, not the core of it. A real bond is built on truth, trust, vulnerability, emotional presence, shared values, mutual respect, and spiritual alignment. That’s the stuff that lasts. That’s the stuff that carries you through when desire fades or when life throws a storm that leaves you both too tired to touch but still needing each other’s presence.

I’m not telling you that sex isn’t important. It is. But it shouldn’t be the glue. Because if the only thing holding people together is lust, then what happens when that fire cools? What happens when one partner is ill, grieving, stressed, aging—or simply uninterested? What happens when life gets real?

You must love beyond the surface. Learn your partner’s heart. Understand their silence. Be able to hold space when they don’t have the words. You must know yourself, too. Be whole without them so that you’re not using their body to fill your own emptiness. Ask yourself:

Can I enjoy their soul as much as I enjoy their body?

Can I be fulfilled in their presence without needing their touch?

Do I feel heard, respected, and safe—without intimacy as a buffer?

Can I give love and receive it without needing to perform it physically?

If the answer is no, then you’re not in a relationship—you’re in a transaction.

So I challenge you, younger me: build your foundation on something deeper than sex. Choose a connection that doesn’t require clothing to be meaningful. Choose someone you can laugh with, cry with, and be silent with. Choose someone you want to build with, not just sleep with.

And don’t forget to ask yourself the same hard questions. Because often, the relationship we have with others only mirrors the relationship we have with ourselves. If you strip away the physical from your own life, are you whole? Are you grounded? Are you peaceful?

Sex can enhance love, but it should never be mistaken for love.

So as you grow, remember: touch their mind first. Connect with their soul. Protect their peace. Value their time. Speak to their future. If the body follows, let it be a bonus—not the base.

With patience, wisdom, and growth,

Your Older Self