A Different World

I want to be loved, not tolerated.

In our community, we often talk about love, loyalty, and partnership as interchangeable — as if needing someone automatically means you want them. But the truth is, those two emotions couldn’t be more different. One comes from a dependency; the other comes from a place of choice. And the difference between them can determine whether a relationship uplifts you or drains your spirit.

The Weight of Need

Need is survival. It’s what happens when someone can’t or won’t stand on their own two feet. It might look like affection, but often it’s attachment born out of fear — fear of being alone, starting over, or facing themselves. Too many times, people confuse survival energy with love.

In the Black community, where we’ve often had to survive through systems designed to break us apart, that confusion runs deep. Our history has made us strong, but it has also conditioned some of us to hold on to things — and people — even when they’re unhealthy. We think staying is strength, when sometimes letting go is the real power.

The Freedom of Want

Now, wanting someone? That’s a choice. That’s peace. Want is when two whole people come together, not because they need to be completed, but because they complement one another. It’s saying, “I can do this without you — but I choose not to.” That kind of love moves differently. It breathes. It allows space for individuality.

When someone truly wants you, you feel it in how they show up — not out of obligation, but out of genuine desire. They don’t just check boxes; they pour into you to see you flourish.

Understanding the Difference

The most dangerous thing we can do is mistake a person’s need for us as proof of love. A person can need your energy, stability, nurturing, or even your resources — but none of that means they want you for who you truly are.

We must stop letting people borrow our spirit under the disguise of connection. Because once they’ve taken what they need, many move on, leaving you empty and questioning your worth.

That’s why discernment is crucial — learning to see who’s with you because they value you, not just because they use you.

Breaking the Cycle

As a people, we deserve love rooted in want, not survival. We’ve already done enough surviving. It’s time to rebuild a culture of emotional wealth — relationships that aren’t bound by need, but strengthened by intention.

We must teach ourselves and our children that dependency is not a form of love. That it’s okay to say, “I want someone who wants me — not someone who only needs me when it benefits them.”

Because the moment we understand that difference, we start attracting people who see us as blessings, not crutches.

Needing you doesn’t mean they want you. One is about what they can take; the other is about what they want to give. And until we start choosing relationships that reflect our worth — emotional, spiritual, and cultural — we’ll continue to confuse comfort for connection.

So the next time someone says they need you, ask yourself: Do they truly want me, or do they need what I bring?

That question alone can save your heart — and your peace.